What I Know for Sure (Today)

What I Know for Sure is that my heart clenched when I realized it was Diane’s birthday as I woke up. At family Christmases with Diane and Susan, no Christmas decorations could go up until then. 😉 Her birthday parties were always fun and filled with laughter, and I’m glad that I got to experience them. I choose to focus on the light she brought into my life because if I focus on the darkness, I go into this space that only I know. It’s scary and dense with emotions that I don’t want to feel, so I don’t. It’s too hard and too messy to contemplate. I would rather see her in my mind’s eye as the young woman, just a girl and her guitar, singing Jesu Bambino to a packed house that I met when I was a kid and my eyes were wide with wonder… so simple and beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. The rest is locked away, and only Sarah (my therapist) has a key.

Leave it alone. Don’t touch it. Call an adult.

What I Know for Sure is that when I was walking home today, a carload of kids in my youth group passed me and yelled “HI MS. LESLIE!” as they went by and my heart overflowed with joy. I smiled bigger than I have in a long time, and those feelings carried me. The weight on my shoulders melted away and I, in that moment, was perfectly happy. There are really no words for how amazing my kids are. It feels good to give back, both to my community and my church.

What I Know for Sure is that feeling of safety and security that letting go provides me. There is hope and promise all over it. Moving forward, one step at a time, is the best work I’ve ever done. It challenges me to be better than I was the day before, and what that means to me is a moving point on the z-axis of life.

What I Know for Sure is that I am succeeding in my quest to become the dreams I have for myself. I am reaching up………….

Floor to feet, feet to head, head to God.

And, as always, praying on the spaces in between.

Amen.

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