Not a Real Writer

I have discovered that I may not be a real writer after all. This is because I remembered to grab my iPad off my desk for the weekend, but not my keyboard… You know, the one I cannot think without? That is because my other Bluetooth keyboard, the one that came with said iPad, is a mini and not full size. Punctuation is done through a series of shift and function keys, which slows down my typing rhythm and just generally makes me want to poke out my eyeball with a stick to get out of posting. I can hear you thinking “why don’t you use your laptop?” Well, because when I came home Friday night I noticed that the rubber had come apart from the metal on the charger and the endpiece was still stuck in the motherboard, but the rubber cord was on the floor. At some point this weekend I will go to Best Buy and get a replacement charger, or order one from Amazon if it is cheaper. But I will check at Best Buy first so that I do not go more insane than normal before Tuesday. If I have somehow damaged the motherboard, then I am really screwed, because I am so out of warranty that it would be cheaper just to buy a new computer. A netbook would work for my purpose, because most of the time, my laptop is hooked up to my TV and runs Kodi, a media center. My computer really only needs to be fast enough for cat videos. I do not watch them, just a frame of reference. As I have said before, I like owning cats. Not so much watching other people’s…

Pretty sure that can be traced back to the sole cause of my divorce. Dana is a cat video person. I am not. So, you see, it ultimately did not work out, because those are the only two kinds of people in the world.

I miss Scales already. She is gone, and took The Colonel with her. This is unfortunate, because I really wanted to bum around DC with her while Scales was gone because we have so much in common to talk about that I am pretty sure that we could literally talk non-stop from the time Scales’ plane touched down at her destination until it touched down at DCA. But their love is strong, so ultimately, The Colonel wanted to be posted with her. I am glad, because it makes me feel safer. There is no way Scales would come to bodily harm if the Colonel was there. It is like her own private security detail as well as her wife… which might have gone into their decision-making, because it certainly went into mine… that it would be fortunate for Scales to have The Colonel there because Pam Landy, Sydney Bristow, and Annie Walker are fictional characters and I cannot call them… even worse, Tony Mendez is retired so a film crew is out of the question.

I feel sorry for real film crews that want to film in the Middle East now, because I bet it’s like, “no, really. We are too dumb to CIA.” Like Stockard Channing when she joked “seriously, who would want Marty to be President??” Case in point… has anyone who has played a doctor on TV ever been called for a consult? Let me know.

I would never call anyone in the arts dumb, it is just a different kind of intelligence. Music can be mathematically complicated, so logic does play a part, but the arts intelligence is knowing where and when to use vibrato… which, in my opinion, is probably just as difficult as trying to get a film crew through a Middle Eastern airport. One bad move and the whole op is ruined.

I cannot take it anymore. This keyboard is making my fingers cramped and cranky. See you on the flip side.


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