All Three

Now that she has been struck down, she will become more powerful than we can possibly imagine. –Kristie Berthelotte

I feel like Carrie Fisher would laugh if I paraphrased her, so Carrie’s death hurt all three of my feelings.

Of course, realistically, it was a gut punch of enormous proportions. I don’t think that people who suffer from mental health issues will realize what an advocate they’ve lost until reality sets in, because right now we are all engulfed in shock. There’s been a disturbance in the force and we are reeling from it. The best we can do is take some of her incredible energy and put it into our own hearts, because that is the part of her which will live on. Because she was an actor, she is immortal.

My best guess is that every ticket for Rogue One today in the nation just sold out, and for those who aren’t going to the movies, the Star Wars series is queued up in binge-watch order. It makes so much sense. Watching her on screen is what keeps her alive, an idea that resonates with me because why do you think I write about Dana and Argo so much? If I do, they’re still with me. They’re still present. They’re still  three dimensional instead of flat and lifeless. They didn’t die, but our relationships did, which is sometimes harder than death because their lives are still going on, their beauty and humor still out there in the world, going on without me. There are solid reasons for it, but beyond logic I am still entitled to feelings about them…. wonderful and terrible… painful, honest, and real. In that way, they have gained immortality (at least, to me) as well.

Celebrity deaths are reminders of the deaths and immortalities that occur all around us, because we can’t say we knew them personally… and yet, sometimes they hurt that much. Star Wars and I are the same age, so Princess Leia has been a fixture in my life since I was born. Thanks to movie theaters and the Internet, she always will be.

I think it’s a classical music sort of day, listening to all the Requiems I love. Through music, I can let the people that their composers wished to be immortal live as well.

Goodnight, sweet Princess… letting everything I’ve lost so personally lie down in green pastures as well.


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