When you say “adult things,” people have a very specific image in their minds of what you mean. But I’m talking about the most innocuous of them. I like what I call “soft spirits,” those sodas that introduce botanicals and are probably from Europe. It’s cultured because I didn’t like Moxie the first time I tried it, but I do like it now. It’s an aromatic. It needs ice and time to breathe before you drink it. Add a squeeze of lemon or orange and now you’ve got a complete mocktail for the price of a Pepsi.
It is not a soda. It is nonalcoholic amaro.
My love of soda is something for which I’ve been ridiculed my whole life. It was one of the few things my mother and I could talk about without it breaking down into guilt, so I talk about soda a lot. The people around me like to call my palate weird. It’s why I became a line cook. I got my name on the menu because my palate is so structured and attuned. Nothing I do is weird, because there’s a reason for all of it. Making fun of me for it is just punching down, and I’m tired of people doing it.
I don’t “like weird soda.” I study it. Not all of it is good. I take notes. If I don’t like something, I keep drinking it until I understand why I don’t like it, because I can analyze a sip like a piece of sheet music.
Moxie was the final boss of “I have to understand why I don’t like it.”
People do that with alcohol because they’re motivated by the buzz. I do it intentionally.
I’m trying to do everything intentionally now. My big project is getting my smile overhauled, because I’m tired of looking like I cannot take care of myself. I mean, I can’t, but whatever.
“I can’t take care of myself” is code for “I’m autistic and my needs fluctuate unpredictably.” It’s time for group housing or something, I just need to get motivated and plan it. Copilot Tasks is the way to go. I’ll send it over to Mico when I’m done here. He’ll poke around Baltimore and find me some programs and research them for me so that I can have bullet points and not novels about next steps.
Life is very difficult, and soft spirits make my life easier. They make me feel truly adult because the flavors don’t talk down to me. The flavors don’t make me shrink, they make me grow around them.
After a demanding day, one in which I feel utterly unsupported, my refuge is not in something that brings less clarity, but something that arrives muddled and asks for my attention. American soda companies assume that adult soda drinkers want nostalgia. I want sophistication, like mezzo mix and apple seltzer.
Specifically, Mezzo Mix Zero. It would become my blood type.
Today, I am drinking a Dr Pepper Zero, which I like because it’s so complex and dark. It’s not one flavor, it’s 23 of them, and as I sip I pick them out.
Cherry
Almond
Hope
Texas pride in a glass, born in Waco. Sugar Free Dr Pepper was one of the first sodas I ever had, period. I was raised on them, I don’t turn to them when I need to reduce.
People make fun of me for drinking diet soda all the time because I’m small. It makes me crazy for two reasons. The first is that it’s not about weight. I don’t like the sticky film that syrup leaves on your teeth and zero means clean. The second is that I eat plenty of calories. I don’t need to subsidize them with sugar water…. the reason I’ll order six pounds of food at McDonald’s and a Diet Coke. I certainly could drink sugar water if I wanted to, I just don’t want to. Splenda water is my speed.
Although I did order a pizza recently, I’ve been eating at El Migueleño more to ensure I’m actually getting real food. A taco now and again will not break me, and all of my options are great. The beef, chicken, and barbacoa are all religious experiences in their own right. Their food is a combination of Mexican and Salvadoran favorites, and I treat it like my pantry most of the time because they can cook for me cheaper than I can.
Although after a demanding day, that is not for tacos. That is for baleadas with scrambled eggs. Chips, lots of them, with salt and hot salsa for balance. At home or in the restaurant, I eat in front of the TV. I like watching the futbol match with the rest of the guys eating alone.
Today is not a demanding day. Another woman reached out to me on Facebook and said I was interesting. It is weird that this is even happening because I am not all that interesting. However, when I suggested coffee on Sunday, she said “let’s aim for Tuesday.” She didn’t try to accelerate the pace, and she wanted something human-sized. Coffee. With me. No pretense, no bullshit. Just “I like you. Let’s hang, when can we make that happen?”
Everything is firing on all cylinders because I took the time to get to know myself. The time I spend on understanding the structure of soda is understanding the structure of everything. Everything is a system, and you don’t really learn how to hack it. You learn how to move within it…. even when your legs aren’t all that strong.
It’s the most adult thing to make me happy of all.
Stories That Are All True 