Spanish Was My First Second Language, Finnish is My Last

I am only fluent in English, to be clear.

However, I took two years of Spanish in high school while being raised in a church that valued mission work. So while I was taking those two years of Spanish, I went to Mexico three times a year. So, between actual study and immersion, I can do most things in Mexico without having a translator. I can get my point across even if individual words are wrong.

I am interested in spending more time in Mexico to get my skills back, but auditory processing disorder and Spanish do not mix because it’s the fastest language in the world. Immersion is the only way to pick up an ear for it.

I became interested in Finnish because I had a reason, and that reason continues to this day. My love of Aada’s culture led me to seek it out. That’s because I didn’t just love Aada, I loved the framework around her. Therefore, Tiina being Finnish is one of the things that brought us closer because I already had that shorthand and am very dialed in.

I would like to point out that this is just another case of liking the package that comes with the macaroni and cheese.

That’s an old story, but one best left to the graveyard… a wink to the OGs.

I am finding out that legit no one likes to be written about, and yet that is not my problem. I just find people who don’t mind it and don’t obsess over it. People who are worried about being seen aren’t worth encouraging relationships with, either. That’s why I’m going to Pride with Tiina and not Aada.

But if she shows up, she’s welcome. I do not think that she will come to Pride to see me, I think it’s possible we could share space and I am not afraid of that anymore. I have a platonic, creative partner that literally grounds me with a hug. I don’t want explosions of excitement anymore. Life is not fancy coffee. Life is drip.

I want to take away the mystery. Just living my life over here. That’s her line, so I’m going to steal it.

What I am finding is that I naturally gravitate towards women, but they don’t naturally gravitate towards me because I look like a woman and communicate like a man. They, in a sense, are dating two people for the price of one. It is jarring to meet someone in a female body that does not couch their language or back down easily. Women are also not used to having other women approach them even when we both have rainbows on because it is “impolite.”

Telling a straight girl you love them is always a mistake. Not knowing you’re hitting on a straight woman can lead to emotional violence (or physical if her husband’s offended). So, all women loving women expect to get dates based on glancing across the room longingly and being surprised when someone sees it.

It makes me long for Finnish culture and language, because:

• there is no difference between male and female in terms of pronouns. Being nonbinary is baked into the system
• women are treated like people overall

Between both of those things, who gives a flying fuck if it’s cold? I would deal with Helsinki in the winter like I deal with Houston in the summer- by staying inside. Finnish coziness is a vibe I welcome, where life is swimming in the lake in the summer and gathering by the fire in the winter. It’s an expensive dream to have, but one that’s worth it. I do think that I will go to Helsinki soon because I’d like to spend my 50th birthday there. I will be 49 in September, so I have enough time to plan everything in detail.

When I get there, I will actually be able to introduce myself and get coffee/pastries. But my accent is so terrible that they will flip into English instead of watching me struggle. Brian says I need to take Tiina’s sister with me because she’s fluent. That’s not a bad idea, but we haven’t met yet.

I am interested in the Houston to Helsinki pipeline, but not willing to make it permanent until I see what’s up. Culinary school is an option in order to create a YouTube channel, but I do not want to go back into the restaurant business. Culinary school would be free and make a cheap way to live for my first few years there with student discounts.

I have choices, I just need to make them. Right now, I am scrambling to go out of town this weekend because I was going to go to the lake last weekend and my car had an issue. I’ll get it back today, but it’s not worth going all the way to Lake Louisa and back, then having to come back to Baltimore to pick up the bagels. THB only makes them on certain days.

It’s better that I have Thursday free because I need a refill on my meds before I can safely leave the state. That’s the only problem with Medicaid Expansion. It prevents me from being able to pick up my prescriptions nationally. Therefore, I need to maintain a residence in Maryland and watch when I get low on meds so that I have continuity. I am committed to living in three places and just shuffling between them because I’m a real part of the family. The kids called yesterday wanting to know when I was coming and I was heartbroken to tell them it wouldn’t be until Friday.

I am thinking that a trip to Helsinki with them would be fun, but I don’t want to presume I ever have the authority to take them. What would be the most fun is all going together. I want to see their faces when we try salmiakki ice cream and things like that. The pictures would destroy me in the absolute best way.

So even if I don’t move to Finland and learn to speak Finnish fluently, I recognize it as familiar to my neurotype. That maybe out of 188,000 lakes, one of them might be mine.