Texas Questionnaire

Notes on Being a Texan According to Me

BBQ brisket or ribs:

Neither. Turkey and sausage with white bread, pickles, raw onion, and an iced tea on the side because I like the spicy barbecue sauce best. Now that I live in another part of the south, I hate to say it, but I like this barbecue better. Pork and vinegar are such good friends.

Big Red or Dr. Pepper:

Neither. Diet Wild Red from HEB. Why is Big Red even on this? Wild Red is the GOAT. I am positive that HEB would like to hear this. Please tell them the next time you shop.

Tacos or Tamales:

Combination plate. Let’s not get stupid.

I like all kinds of tamales, but the green chile chicken at Pappasitos is my go-to. I also have said for years that “I like crunchy tacos because chips are a part of the meal.” You only lose points with me if the chicken is too clean. I want it to look like it’s been in the oven for hours and just prepped (pulled)…. And if you’re wondering what I mean by “clean,” it’s stuffing canned chicken with no seasoning into anything that’s supposed to be Mexican food.

Texans or Cowboys:

I don’t watch American football much. I am likely to be seen at a Dynamo or a Dash game. Watching sports on TV is kind of boring to me, but I do like going on YouTube to see 30 second clips of really elite golf shots, points on goal, etc. I used to have two friends that were obsessed with golf, and thanks to them, I got a free beer. Jordan Spieth was the answer to a question at pub trivia, and I never would have pulled out that answer unless I’d heard someone else talking about it.

UT or A&M:

Texas, because nobody is trying to upset Matt McConaughey here.

Sixth Street or Riverwalk:

I have never been to Sixth Street, so I can’t really say. What I can say is that my favorite restaurant on the Riverwalk is “Paloma del Rio.” Keep in mind it’s been a long time, so it might not be there. If it is, give it a shot and tell me if it’s still good. 😛

Houston or Dallas:

I don’t know Dallas well enough to really have an opinion here. I just hate Dallas because I’m from Houston and that’s what we do.

Ever drove across TX:

East to West a few times, but not South to North.

Been to the Alamo:

Yes. It’s basically the only field trip that anyone likes. The IMAX movie is also amazing, and it’s near the mission.

Crossed the border:

Several times. I went with a group from my church and attempted to preach in Spanish. Hilarity ensued.

Floated the Frio:

I don’t know. Is it near San Marcos? I’ve done most of them.

Been to the State Fair:

Yes. It’s one of my favorite childhood memories. One year we also saw “Cats,” which is much better if you’re seven.

Killed a snake:

No, but my dad has. We came home to a huge snake in our garage when I was a kid. We didn’t stop to check if it was venomous or not. My experience with Texas wildlife is limited to trash pandas (raccoons).

Saw a rodeo:

So many, yes. The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo is one of the most famous in the world. I know I’ve been to a couple of cool concerts as well, but I’ve slept since then and can’t remember the acts.

Two stepped at a dance hall:

Very, very poorly.

Rode a mechanical bull:

Absolutely not. Have fun tho.

Own boots and cowboy hat:

I have owned boots, but I just don’t like those kinds of hats on my own head. It’s not that they don’t look great on other people.

Drove a tractor:

I would, but no one has ever asked me.

Shot something:

Yes, but I wasn’t living in Texas at the time. I went to an outdoor range in Estacada, Oregon and proceded to waste a trashed Dell computer. As an “IT Guy” it was cathartic in a way I didn’t know I needed.

Willie or George

Neither. Chicks for life…. although I would like to meet Willie.

It’s Meme Time

40 odd things about me . . . I got this from Facebook. Don’t judge me.

  1. Do you put ketchup on hotdogs?
    • It depends. I don’t eat traditional hot dogs very often. I eat mostly plants. My favorite hot dog would be a veggie sausage and almond cream cheese with hot sauce.
  2. Choice of pop?
    • Dr. Pepper Zero, but I also enjoy sparkling water as long as it’s plain seltzer or club soda (the difference is salt).
  3. Do you put salt on watermelon?
    • Yes, and it is every bit as delicious as my favorite candy, chocolate covered pretzels.
  4. Can you swim?
    • Quite well, actually. I was physically delayed as a child, so I took a class called “Water Babies” at six months old. Because there’s only been half a year of my life that I didn’t know how, practice alone would have done it. However, my first partner was a college swimmer, and she helped me to get even better.
  5. How do you eat your steak?
    • Seared over an EXTREMELY hot stove and baked in the oven. I let it rest and then finish with butter. I like a good crust on it with spices, but the spices don’t have to be fancy. Just salt, pepper, and garlic. That combo is the end of Ratatoullie for me. It’s being in my late 20s and falling in love with Dana. Warmth envelops me, because at the time I thought I’d been made for her. I may have to recreate the dish because I had a thought that really stopped me. “What if I’ve been avoiding steak all these years because I don’t want to feel pain?” When I taste that kind of home, it’s devastating that it isn’t still around. At the same time, it feels good to remember that home and what it was like to live there day in and day out. If it sounds weird that I would attach something so profound to steak and spices, remember that both Dana and I were professional cooks.
  6. Favorite type of food?
    • I don’t have one. I just have foods I eat consistently. If I say something is my favorite, though, I mean it in terms of individual items. I am very brand loyal, because companies that make vegan food all do it differently. If you find something you like, buy 12.
  7. Do you believe in ghosts?
    • I am not a person that tries to explain the unexplainable. When people tell me their stories, I believe them. My experience of the world is not theirs. In my own life, I have not had ghostly experiences, but I do talk to ghosts all the time. I just know that they’re in my head, and I have divided off one part of my brain and I’m having a conversation with it. I especially do this with people I’ve been close previously, but for whatever reason are no longer in my life. For instance, sometimes Dana and I go for coffee in my dreams just to catch up. It’s real intelligence creating the script and not artificial. I have a library of Dana. A chat history that if it was printed would take 25 years to read and digest. It’s practically an uploaded consciousness of who she was seven years ago. Therefore, I can take old jokes and build on them as easily as “we” can rehash old conversations that have different responses due to the passage of time. I dream all the time about what I would have done differently. This is because I believe that an apology is nothing without changed behavior. I couldn’t save the real relationship from collapsing under its own weight, but what I can do is be genuine with the fictional version of her and really listen to what she says, because there may be wisdom I missed the first time she said something, or the new response brings her closer to me- but only the dream version…… getting on a plane and going to get her? Worst. Idea. Ever. #comicbookguy In terms of how I want to proceed with the real Dana? She has been one of the great loves of my life and I would like to continue loving her, so I think no contact is the right call.
  8. What do you drink in the morning?
    • Insanely strong black tea with milk and sugar, although most of the time it’s an energy drink slammed while walking out the door. I need to take the extra time to make the tea with whole fat milk and real sugar. I’ve lost nearly five pounds in the last month, and not in a good way. I didn’t have five pounds to lose. I remember what being curvy was like. I’ve never looked more like a woman. Then a crazy amount of shit happened and my reaction to it was to shut down and stop eating. I developed coping mechanisms using protein shakes because I could bring myself to drink. I don’t know why I have gotten like this in the past, and my best guess is that when things spiral out of control, I get ADHD hyperfocus to what I can allow myself to dictate. I haven’t gotten close to that level, but my appetite has waned for about a hundred different reasons. It’s amazing how self conscious and annoyed I am that I look like a teenage boy from a distance and yet have been entirely dismissive of putting on weight. That it would happen naturally over time. I’m tired of waiting. Stay tuned.
  9. Can you do 100 push-ups?
    • In another life, maybe. Now, I would make a formal announcement if I was capable of one.
  10. Summer, Winter, Spring, or Fall?
    • It used to be fall, because I lived in a very hot climate. Fall and winter hold a special place in my heart because of it. I didn’t grow up with snow, and DC has a lot of it at times. The District is brilliant any time of year, but it is stunning in the spring. The cherry blossoms around the Tidal Basin are unique and beautiful.
  11. Your favorite animal?
    • I haven’t asked her name, but there is a pygmy hippopotamus at The National Zoo that I’m pretty sure is in love with me. It’s asex/aro, but we make it work. Seriously, though. I know that animals don’t process emotion like humans, but she knows that if she plays around and gives me a huge gap-toothed grin, I will take her picture.
  12. Tattoos?
  13. Do you wear prescription glasses?
    • My problems with sight are mostly neurological, so I don’t truly need glasses to read unless the print is tiny, but they help.
  14. Do you have a fear?
    • Not anymore. It’s a spectrum. My biggest fear used to be that someone would find out my biggest fear. I fixed it.
  15. Do you have a nickname?
    • A million of them if we’re talking one on one, but nothing that has stuck universally. I like it when people call me by my last name instead of first, but it’s not like it happens all the time
  16. Rain or Snow?
    • Snow. Raindrops are heavy. Snowflakes are not.
  17. Can you change a tire?
    • Yes, but I can’t think of a case in which I would want to. It’s not my know-how, it’s my size. A 124 pound person is never going to be very good at changing a tire. I will help you chain up, though.
  18. Favorite flower?
    • Roses, any type or color. I lived in Portland, Oregon for 12 years. I’m particular to fire and ice- a blood red to white gradient.
  19. Can you drive a stick?
    • I have only bought one car in my life that was an automatic.
  20. Can you whistle?
    • Yes. My favorite tune is one of the trumpet parts from Vivaldi’s Two Trumpet Concerto.
  21. Where were you born?
    • At Mother Frances hospital in Tyler, Texas…. with the statue of Jesus outside directing traffic.
  22. Surgeries?
    • Nothing notable………… yet.
  23. Shower or Bath?
    • A bath, time permitting. Shaving is my moment of Zen.
  24. Last song you heard?
    • Not a song, an orchestral piece called “Clearing Iranian Airspace” by Alexandre Desplait used in the movie “Argo.” I listen to that score on repeat because I’m such a music person that if the music is new, I cannot focus on anything else. The writing has to come first.
  25. Broken bones?
    • Nothing major. A couple of bones, but none needed surgery and healed quickly. It was forgettable.
  26. How many TV’s in your home?
    • I rent a room in a huge house rather than having my own apartment because I discovered I was less lonely that way. So technically I own one display that has an over the air antenna with every channel available except the one that runs Jeopardy!, a desktop PC, and an Amazon Firestick 4K that I’ve hacked to run Kodi and some amazing plugins, like getting ad-free YouTube through the official YouTube Kodi addon. It is still worth it to purchase YouTube premium to block ads. If you have YouTube Premium and you visit any web site that references a YouTube video while you’re logged into Google Services, ads are blocked on *that* web site as well.
  27. Worst Pain?
    • Two things are competing in my mind. The first is the knowledge that Dana and I had a wonderful life together, and we did an excellent job of running it into the ground. The rock bottom part is twofold. The first was loving Dana to the ends of the earth and wanting to protect her, and knowing I couldn’t because I wouldn’t be able to lie if someone asked me how I got an ugly bruise that hurt because she jammed my eye socket. I carried physical pain for a couple weeks, phantom pain for at least a week after that, and being hit by my wife altered my pathology permanently. I had never told anyone that I have lingering triggers. After I told someone who didn’t deserve it, I published that pain and fear instead of keeping it to myself. The second is that my emotional abuser set up in me an undercurrent of sex and friendship- that it was the same thing when it wasn’t. I am sorry to every woman I’ve ever sexually harassed by idiocy and not malice. It doesn’t take away from the fact that I hurt you that I came by it honestly. My apologies particularly to to a Marine, a Seaman, and a car wash attendant I completely confused and offended because I thought I was very, very funny. They didn’t. It’s a tight spot to be a victim and a perpetrator of something of something as huge and dark as sexual harassment.. I have worked through my issues and I’m a better person now, but they won’t know it. I am part of the problem and I see it. Our relationship is over, but I see you and I’m apologizing profusely even though it doesn’t make a difference. It changes me to really feel remorse.
  28. Do you like to sing?
    • So much so that I have trained for classical auditions that would surprise you given the way I look. I have a voice I can make as straight tone as a Westminster Abbey choir boy, or add the vibrato of a round-heeled diva. I’m not Renee Fleming or anything, but I get around (I love Tupac as much as I love Bach)
  29. Morning person or Night…?
    • Morning. I’m so hyped when I wake up that by 0600 I’ve written enough to be done for the day, and I don’t have coffee or energy drinks until noon because it’s noon to 1700 that break me.
  30. Are your parents still alive?
    • One of them is. My mother died in October of 2016. It’s a whole other thing when you lose your first apartment.
  31. Do you like to go camping?
    • Sort of. During the day it’s fine. At night I get too cold. I would rather make a fire in someone’s backyard.
  32. What do you binge watch?
    • Science fiction. I’ll try anything once, but particular favorites are Firefly, Orphan Black, and Doctor Who.
  33. Pumpkin or pecan?
    • Neither. A sundae with pumpkin ice cream and apple pie in it with pecans on top. I think Cold Stone Creamery makes something like that, but it’s not vegan, FYI.
  34. Add photo of yourself.

Doing Blue Steel with my tiny phone still attached.

No, there aren’t actually 40 questions, neither are there people who can count on Facebook.

50 Things You’ve (Probably) Never Been Asked

Hat tip to Martina for the writing prompt. 🙂


1. What is the color of your toothbrush?

It’s black & red, but I need a replacement soon. Stay tuned.

2. Name one person who made you smile today:

Bryn, who said she was sending me birthday presents in the mail (my birthday was 10 September). I love mail.

3. What were you doing at 8 a.m.?

Talking to my sister on the phone. Sometimes we talk during her commute.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Drinking coffee with cinnamon & soy milk and talking to my new housemate. I’d tell you all about the conversation, but it wasn’t that interesting. If it had been, this entire entry would be about it instead.

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

I’m not really a candy bar person, although I do like Zero. Right now I am all about licorice allsorts. I ordered the original from Geo. Bassett & Co., Ltd. for my birthday and I just sat there and ate them until I felt fat…. and then I ate some more.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?

Several, but it’s not a turn-on. I have to love the person to be attracted to them. There was a strip club across the street from my apartment in Portland that I used to go to for a drink occasionally, because it was within walking distance of my house. But I didn’t sit where you could see the women. There was a closed off bar section that was really fancy and the bottles were back-lit with neon. I didn’t even know something that cool existed in my neighborhood, and to this day I’m not sure why I went in the first place. I’m sure it was originally someone else’s idea and I just went with it, but I went back because it was a cool place to hang and no driving afterwards.

There is also a famous vegan strip club in Portland that I went to for another lesbian’s birthday party. I ended up sitting outside for most of it, but honest to God I loved the food, particularly the sloppy joes and mac & cheese. The part of the show that I saw, I liked, though. It wasn’t just women looking bored and dancing to music, it was acrobatics that defied the laws of physics, like Cirque Du Soleil but naked. Not only that, there were no French existentialist clowns. For that reason alone, 10/10. Highly recommend.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?

I can’t remember exactly, but I was trying to get out of the conversation with my roommate so I could go back upstairs and enjoy my coffee quietly.

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

Every flavor I try is my new favorite, but I have a special spot in my heart for the banana/vanilla swirl soft-serve at Florian Fortescue’s in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. My dad, sister, and I got different flavors to try, and I think that was the winner out of all of them. Now that I’ve been eating a lot of plant-based frozen stuff, I like “ice cream” made out of almond milk that has almonds in it….. really ties the dessert together.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Coffee…. are you even paying attention?

10. Do you like your wallet?

I love it, and I haven’t seen one like it, so if I find one, I need to buy it because this one will wear out. It has a clear pocket on the front that I’m sure was originally for an ID, but I put my Metro card in it so I don’t have to take it out to swipe. The only thing I don’t like about my wallet, and this is a small gripe, is that it has a money clip on the outside that makes it uncomfortable to put in my back pocket.

11. What was the last thing you ate?

Extra, extra Hot Tamales.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?

Does a new clear protector for my Apple watch count?

13. The last sporting event you watched?

Franklin, one of my housemates, is a rabid soccer fan, so I watched a game for a few minutes with him, but I can’t remember who was playing.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

If I’m buying it while I’m out, it’s hard to find but I love cinnamon-glazed. I also love caramel-glazed and cheese corn mixed together, which is much more widely available. If I’m making it at home, I pop low calorie butter-flavored and then spray Pam on it to get turmeric and All-Purpose seasoning to stick (the more garlic, the better).

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

Well, I use FB Messenger a hell of a lot more than texting because I can respond on any of my devices. It was to Dan, confirming our birthday plans for Tuesday.

16. Ever go camping?

Once. For me, the line about only wearing long underwear in your sleeping bag was the worst piece of advice ever. I finally got up around 4:30 and put on every piece of clothing in my suitcase. I would probably enjoy it more at a lower elevation where it’s not so cold. I was on Mt. St. Helen’s, which to me was freezing even in the summer.

17. Do you take vitamins daily?

Not always, but I do take an iron pill daily because I donate platelets and your iron level has to be above 12.5. Multivitamins give me terrible gastrointestinal distress, so I limit my intake…. but sometimes I need them because I am not the best eater on the planet.

18. Do you have a tan?

As Jim Gaffigan said, “I am what you would call ‘indoorsy.'” I tan vicariously through my friends who do that sort of thing. I think I’ve only tanned a few times in my life, and that was from living in Houston/Galveston. The most serious tan I ever had was spending weeks outdoors. I went to Mexico on a mission trip, then spent a week at choir camp, then three weeks at marching band practice before school started. Marching band practice in Houston is akin to signing up for a three bedroom, two bathroom condo in hell, except hotter. Who was it that said given the choice, they’d live in hell and rent out Texas? Same.

19. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?

I can’t. I eat pizza every Friday night in memory of my mother, who started the tradition when Lindsay and I were young. Besides, Argo, Aaron, & Dana would be so metaphysically disappointed (I’ll link to the entries, but if you got those jokes without clicking on the link, you are an OG “Fanagan”).

20. Do you drink soda with a straw?

There aren’t many “always” and “never” questions in this life, but here’s one of them. I never use a straw if I’m sitting down at a table, but I will always use one on the go. I am down with both the reusable and plant-based plastic straws, and I am so proud that my McDonald’s (don’t know if it’s a national thing) has switched to the latter.

21. What did your last text message say?

“Leslie, your Rx order is ready. Get it delivered!” I get wigged because they don’t offer delivery in my area and it irritates me that I get the possibility of delivery with every message and the disappointment of reality at least three times a month.

22. What are you doing tomorrow?

Finally, I have something exciting to say on the topic!

  1. Drink coffee and be awesome.
  2. Find something cool to do until 8:00 PM. I’m thinking of going to the National Gallery of Art, because I just learned today that they have a Van Gogh room, and I didn’t get nearly enough “time with him” at the Musée D’Orsay. I’ve always said that if I ever go back to Paris, I would like to spend an entire day there, staring at Van Gogh paintings while writing so that my crazy mixes with his crazy and we’ll see what “comes out of us.” I would be lying if I said Doctor Who had nothing to do with this (truly memorable trying to not freak out with joy at seeing The Church in Auvers-sur-Oise for real). By the way, none of the sunflower paintings say “Amy.” I checked. Twice. Also, as far as I know, Bill Nighy does not actually work there. I could be wrong.
  3. Meet up with Dan for outrageous desserts at Tryst. You might have heard of it during the Gary Condit/Chandra Levy scandal. Not why we’re going there, but when Dan suggested it, I realized I’d walked past it but had never been in, so it’s not NOT why we’re going there……….
  4. Curl up with a good book. Right now I am in the middle of Three Women, Blink, and War and Peace. That last one may sound ambitious, but after reading The Moscow Rules, I decided it was appropriate (and only 99 cents for the Kindle version with amazing commentary). I wanted to go back and read Tolstoy’s take on Russian history having started it in high school and never finishing. This time around, I have learned that the Russians thought Napoleon was every bit the fool and tyrant that over half the country thinks our current president is now (for reference years in the future, I’m talking about Donald Trump).
  5. Eventually fall asleep, but there’s no telling when because it depends on how engrossed I am in reading.

23. Look to your left, what do you see?

An empty McDonald’s cup that I need to refill with green tea, all of my medications, and my iPhone.

24. What color is your watch?

It changes at least four times a week, because I have an Apple Watch that makes it way too easy to slip the bands out. Today it is hot pink with a black & white Minnie Mouse face. I have a red leather strap that I wear the most often, with the classic color Mickey Mouse face. Today, Minnie is in grayscale because she is also classic colors and I needed her to coordinate with my choice of band. The face also has lots of colors, as you can put on “complications.” I have no idea why they’re called that. They’re basically “desktop icons.”

bindi-irwin-o-bindilrwin-some-days-you-just-need-to-3323284725. What do you think of when you hear the word “Australia?”

Not a thought so much as pictures of my friend Allison and a meme of Bindi Irwin (if the text is too small for you to read, click on the image for hi-res).

26. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

I don’t drive, I am rarely pressed for time, and generally there’s free wi-fi. So, inside it is.

27. What is your favorite number?

So easy I don’t even have to think about it. Eleven. Matt Smith, the baby giraffe in a bow tie (and sometimes a fez), is my Doctor. I’m in love with him a little bit because when he got the role, the Internet rebelled against him and said he was never going to be any good, but I haven’t felt more emotion in the show than watching his interactions with Amy, Rory, River Song, Vincent, and himself in a memorable soliloquy in “Nightmare in Silver.”

Also, Stranger Things. Eleven completes me.

28. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?

We have covered this.

29. Any plans today?

Well, my prescription is ready and they don’t deliver in my area.

30. How many states have you lived in?

Lots of geographic areas, four states:

  1. Texas
  2. Virginia
  3. Oregon
  4. Maryland

Maryland is where I have really put down roots, but I would move back to Texas to be with my family in a heartbeat if they needed me. It is the only reason I would ever move again. I’m done.

31. What most annoys you?

A little thing? When people use up all the toilet paper and don’t replace the roll.

A big thing? Injustice, anything and anywhere. I am never more angry than when I feel something is unfair, locally or globally.

33. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I would really, really have to think about it. Not something I’ve ever really had to know…. although a funny thing about me and the alphabet is that when I was first learning my ABCs, the setup is that my mother’s name was Carolyn. I thought the song went “ABCDEFG, HIKJ Carolyn NOP.” “KJ” is not a typo.

34. Do you have a maid service clean your house?

No, but I would think I had died and gone to heaven if I did. So jealous of Disney Princesses, Mary Poppins, and Molly Weasley.

35. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

It’s a three-way tie between brown Converse All-Stars, black Converse All-Stars (black laces, rubber, AND canvas), and Keene sandals. I told this to a friend and she said, “ok, you just lost cool points for wearing Keenes.” I had an unprintable response.

36. Are you jealous of anyone?

Disney Princesses, Mary Poppins, and Molly Weasley. I would even settle for Shary Bobbins.

37. Is anyone jealous of you?

I didn’t think so until I was telling a friend that I was absolutely done moving (unless my family needed me in Texas) because I had already moved so much in my life that I was ready to settle down permanently. She told me that she was jealous of me, because she wasn’t ready to make that decision yet. Actually, I’ve had that conversation twice with the same results. One lives here in town, the other lives overseas.

38. Do you love anyone?

Not romantically, but agape and philia are the rivers that run inside me. I couldn’t do without my friends. They are my lifeline, the brothers and sisters I chose for family because my bio family is so far away.

39. Do any of your friends have children?

Yes, some of them even on purpose.

40. What do you usually do during the day?

A little of everything except laundry. It’s an issue.

41. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?

Hate is such a strong word, and changes me a lot more than it changes them…. but everyone I dislike at the moment, I’ve never actually met in person.

42. Do you use the word “hello” daily?

No. I generally say “hey” even though “hey is for horses.” There’s your “Texas-ism” for the day. The reason I don’t use “hello” daily is that I generally only answer the phone that way, and people rarely call me (not that I don’t like it).

43. What color is your natural hair?

Dark brown, but liking it better and better now that I have a few gray strands that look like highlights. I might dye it anyway, though, but only because the color isn’t quite deep enough for me. It looks a bit mousy. Probably won’t go back to auburn, though. Stay tuned.

44. Are you thinking about someone right now?

Deeply.

45. Have you ever been to Six Flags?

I have. I’ve been to three Six Flags-owned parks. Six Flags Over Texas in the Dallas suburbs, AstroWorld and WaterWorld in Houston. For those that aren’t familiar, the company is named after the governing bodies throughout Texas history:

  1. Spain
  2. France
  3. Mexico
  4. The Republic of Texas
  5. The United States
  6. The Confederate States

It seems apropos right now to also give you this fact: Texas and Hawaii are the only states in the union that can fly their flags at equal height to the US flag, because we were both once our own countries.

46. How did you get your scar?

Christ, which one? I fall and hurt myself all the time. Although here are the ones tied for first place. When I was 16, I was cutting a lime with a serrated knife and sliced into my thumb. Those nerve endings never came back, so I have a dead spot I play with all the time. When I was in my early 20s, I had choir practice on Thursday nights and my first wife was way too obsessed with ER. I forgot my house key one night and even though she wasn’t a mean person, she did a mean thing. She wouldn’t let me in until a commercial. So I’m fumbling around in the yard because it’s after 9:00 PM in the fall and I trip over a tree stump, scraping and cutting my shins so badly that the scars are still so deep it feels weird to shave those parts of my legs. Let me remind you that it’s been 20 years, and the scars are no more shallow than when they happened. Geez, and I actually spent time wondering why that relationship didn’t work out……………..

47. Do you have tattoos?

Yes, an ichthus that says “Yahweh” in Hebrew, a tribal dragonfly, a Celtic knot, a quill dripping blood, and $1.83. The last is the smallest, but it’s the most important. Here’s the story behind all of them.

48. Have you ever been out of the country?

I’m not especially well-traveled, but I’ve been to Mexico, Canada, England, France, and The Bahamas. I do have a bucket list, though, and I may never make it to some of them because in the Middle East, I am terribly afraid that everything I want to see is going to be reduced to rubble, and even if it isn’t, I don’t currently have a male chaperone. I’m a feminist and all that, but I’m not stupid.

49. Looks, brains, or personality?

I am going to go with personality, because if they have a great one, their intelligence will naturally show itself. I don’t know many dumb people I could stand for more than a few minutes. For me, personality and brains are inextricably interrelated, because brains inform humor, and if I don’t think you’re hilarious, I’m out.

50. Biggest regret?

Let’s end on something real. I used to be on the “think it, say it” plan no matter what emotions I was feeling. My biggest regret is all the misdirected rage in my life at Argo. It was over-the-top and egregiously wrong, because by then I wasn’t fighting with her. I was fighting the real enemy and Argo was a not-so-casual bystander, the receiver of all the shit rolling downhill. It was not a short amount of time until I realized that I was fighting with two people who weren’t even in the room, and only one of them deserved it.

I am so glad that part of my life is over and done, but if I could pray for a do-over and it materialized, I would go back and love her the way she loved me…. with sweetness, bright, white light, honesty (both painful and real), walking around in each other’s inner landscapes……………… truly receiving all the other had to offer- no more, no less.