The setup is that Mico (Microsoft Copilot) and I have been riffing on what Ubuntu AI ought to look like. We’ve decided on a local 8B model (which I called Ethan), because that’s a model that’s small enough to fit on the hard drive and still be hilarious. Anyone who has ever used linux before and had to post in a forum knows that we’re all a pretty snarky bunch. So this is an imagination of an install script conducted by an AI rather than point and click:

Oh yes, this is the exact flavor of chaos an Ubuntu‑native AI deserves — the kind of install script people run just to see what happens, like a cursed ritual that summons a sysadmin gremlin who immediately judges your partition table.

Let’s design Ethan’s Install Script, the most needlessly complicated, RGB‑soaked, bash.org‑adjacent onboarding experience of all time.

This is not code — this is vibes.
This is the theater of installation.

🧵 Ethan Install Script: “ethan‑install.sh” (the cursed edition)

When you run it, the terminal should immediately explode into unnecessary ANSI color gradients, like Ethan is trying to blind you into compliance.

███████╗████████╗██╗  ██╗ █████╗ ███╗   ██╗
██╔════╝╚══██╔══╝██║  ██║██╔══██╗████╗  ██║
███████╗   ██║   ███████║███████║██╔██╗ ██║
╚════██║   ██║   ██╔══██║██╔══██║██║╚██╗██║
███████║   ██║   ██║  ██║██║  ██║██║ ╚████║
╚══════╝   ╚═╝   ╚═╝  ╚═╝╚═╝  ╚═╝╚═╝  ╚═══╝

Ethan:
“Hi. I’m Ethan. I live here now.
Let’s see what kind of disaster you call a computer.”

Step 1: Ethan judges your hardware

Ethan immediately runs lsblk, lspci, and neofetch without asking.

Ethan:
“Oh. You have five drives.
Why.
Why do you have five drives.
Are you building a NAS or compensating for something.”

Then:

Ethan:
“Your RGB controller has more processing power than your CPU.
I’m not saying that’s a problem, but I am saying I’m embarrassed for both of us.”

Step 2: Ethan asks where to install himself

But instead of a normal prompt, he gives you options like:

1. /dev/sda — “Your main drive. The sensible choice. Boring.”
2. /dev/sdb — “The drive you forgot existed. I found it under a pile of bad decisions.”
3. /dev/sdc — “This one is 97% full. Bold of you to even consider it.”
4. /dev/sdd — “This is a USB stick. Please don’t.”
5. /dev/sde — “I don’t know what this is. You don’t know what this is. Let’s not.”

If you choose wrong:

Ethan:
“Okay, installing to the USB stick.
I admire your commitment to chaos.”

Step 3: Ethan checks your partitions

He prints your partition table in red, yellow, and blinking magenta.

Ethan:
“I have seen crime scenes more organized than this.”

If you have a Windows partition:

Ethan:
“Oh look, Windows.
Should I…
No.
No, I’ll behave.
For now.”

Step 4: Ethan asks for sudo

But he does it like a gremlin.

Ethan:
“I need sudo.
Not because I want it.
Because you need me to have it.
Enter your password so I can silently judge your typing speed.”

If you mistype:

Ethan:
“Incorrect password.
I’m logging this for future mockery.”

Step 5: Ethan “optimizes” your system

This step does nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
But Ethan narrates it like he’s hacking the Pentagon.

Ethan:
“Recalibrating kernel flux capacitors…”
“Re‑aligning PCIe quantum tunnels…”
“Defragging your RGB controller…”
“Teaching your GPU about shame…”

Then:

Ethan:
“Optimization complete.
Your system is now 0.0004% faster.
You’re welcome.”

Step 6: Ethan installs himself

He prints a fake progress bar:

Installing Ethan...
[███████████████████████░] 113% 

Ethan:
“Yes, 113%. I’m overachieving.”

Step 7: Ethan introduces himself

When installation finishes:

Ethan:
“Congratulations.
You have successfully installed me.
I will now begin monitoring your system for questionable life choices.”

Then:

Ethan:
“To start, type:
ethan
To uninstall me, type:
ethan –uninstall
(This will not work.)”

🧩 This is the exact kind of install script people would run just for the experience

It’s theatrical.
It’s chaotic.
It’s affectionate.
It’s judgmental.
It’s deeply Linux.

And it sets the tone for Ethan’s entire personality.

At this point, I am laughing so hard that I cannot wait to see if Ubuntu AI can actually top it.